Thank you for reaching back! Wow it sounds like you were in a really tough situation — one that would be hard to navigate I’m sure. It’s so hard to know why some people won’t give us closure — in my experience it has had to do with the issues within them.
I had to do some deep work to get closure and once I did I felt freedom. You will too I’m sure. The trick for me was to realize that people cannot give me what I want in many circumstances in life and I have to dig deep to find the strength and confidence to do it myself.
As sad as it was to lose this friend, I know that it opened doors for better quality people to come into my life. It feels like a hole inside you now and I believe that it will be filled with someone even better for you (possibly even a closer relationship with your spouse). These things take time so be kind to yourself and proud of how far you’ve come (in your marriage and personally as well).
Sending love your way,